Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
