I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
