I think I won the penis lottery.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
