Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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