I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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