you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
