I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
