He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
