Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
