Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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