my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
