I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
