i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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