If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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