It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
