I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
