Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize