almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
