i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize