she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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