How's work?
Spinning.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
