ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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