i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
