guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
