Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
