honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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