Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
