Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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