No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize