do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
