He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
