no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
