where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
