This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
