i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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