Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize