First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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