and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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