mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
