Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
