Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
