Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
