I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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