do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
