so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
