Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
