Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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