just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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