On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I fill condoms, not promises.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
