just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
