he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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