Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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