just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
