Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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