I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
