i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why is your signature on my underwear?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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