So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
