Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
