Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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