i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
