why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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