What a fucking waste of an outfit
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize