College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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