Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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