i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
