he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
