This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize