I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
