you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
