Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is it penis luge time yet?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
