woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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