I faked an abortion last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
