She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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