I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
