My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
