Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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