Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
