reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
