dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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