I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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