Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
