"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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