The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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