meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize