I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
