Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
