It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
