made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
