I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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