Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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