Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
