Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
