The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
