Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bring me that man meat
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
