You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I believe in your delicious
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize