At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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