can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
