i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize