He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
