I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
