i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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