Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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