My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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