I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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