Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize